Monday, February 28, 2011

5 Things I Learned About the Police (From Watching Gerak Khas)

Ever seen Gerak Khas? If you have been watching TV since before Astro came into town, chances are you have seen a few. I gotta say, I love the series as well as the movies, although not for the right reasons. I don't know much about the background of the franchise, but you don't have to be very perceptive to see that it tries to be this in-your-face, thought-provoking social commentary being told through the eyes of the Malaysian police force.

We mean business!!
I gotta say it failed hilariously because that's what I watched it for; the giggles. Gerak Khas is often so bad, it's funny. So much, that I'm sure I'm not the only one to dub it as Gelak Khas. Alright alright, I know that it never claimed to be some sort of a documentary about what the police go through on a regular basis. But for the love of God, the entire franchise seem to follow a set of unwritten rules that makes no sense whatsoever, it's almost insulting to the viewers.

Unless of course, you decide to have a sense of humour about it. I bet you'll laugh every time you spot any of these cliches throughout the series or the movies.


#5 Criminals are easier to spot than the KLCC in broad daylight
It must be heavenly to be a police officer in the Gerak Khas universe because you can always tell if someone is a criminal by just looking at these supposedly tell-tale signs;
a. Dresses in dark colours
b. 80% of their outfit is made of denim or leather
c. Speaks in such a way that must be unpleasant to the vocal cords
d. Rather unusual tastes in fashion (i.e dyes their hair in loud colours)
Observe:


If they exhibit any one of those traits, you can make damn sure that he or she is a criminal once you start talking to them. Often, they will not even try to deny their criminal endeavours. At the slightest provocation, they will draw out their guns and go trigger happy on the police.

But the worst offender of them all has got to be the character Castello, from the first Gerak Khas movie.


The dude dressed like a pimp, shaved his head and he had a tattoo of a snake at the back of his head. He walked around with this look on his face like someone shoved a steel pipe up his ass. Owh, and he knew kung-fu as well.

His crime? He's a dealer of pirated as well as pornographic VCDs. Give me a break!

I remember having this friend who pretty much did the same thing, but he is polite and very much a civilised person. In fact, he's a lot closer to Jason from Sepet [2004] than this Castello guy. I wonder what became of him...


I guess my point is this; criminals will do anything to not look like one.

Just one of the many, many examples...
#4 Detective work involves wandering around aimlessly in the alleys and parking lots of Kuala Lumpur
I'm afraid I haven't much pictures to go along with this one, because this is purely from memory. For the most part, you can see this in its television series. Normally you'll see that A. Galak guy along with his two token Chinese and Indian characters.

How is it even possible for this guy to blend in with the crowd, I never know...
Those guys also had it easy. They would just drive around in their van, talking nonsense that has nothing to do with police work whatsoever. Normally, this is when they will provide some social commentary about Malaysia, and they're about as subtle as wearing a clown suit to a western funeral.

Eventually they will end up finding whoever that is relevant to their case by chance, every single time. Apparently criminals wander around aimlessly in KL too, and our detectives have the ability think like them.

#3 Speech impediment is a side-effect of police training
Explain this to me, why does every single police officer in the series speak their native tongue like it's their second or third language? I remember receiving some sort of a chain mail some time ago, and the example of a typical Gerak Khas dialogue is spot on;


Police A : "Dia tidak mengangkat telefon bimbit tersebut!"
Police B : "Saya rasa kita patut siasat dengan lebih terperinci tuan."
Police A : "Betul cadangan awak itu. Kita bertindak sekarang!"

#2 They jump at every chance of getting into hand-to-hand combat
This one baffles me all the time, and the one that set it off was the second Gerak Khas movie. It's true there's plenty of shooting in either version of Gerak Khas, but these guys only shoot when there's no chance of anyone getting hit. Either that or every one of them coasted during firearms training.

I wish there's a footage of this that I can provide, but Yusof Haslam is a staunch supporter of anti-piracy (so much, that it became the basis of the first Gerak Khas movie), so you're gonna have to take my word on this.

So it was the second Gerak Khas movie, right? And the climax involved our protagonists going into the jungle to take down a militant movement.


At some point during the shootout, A. Galak's character came face-to-face with a machete-wielding militant member. That A. Galak guy had a sub-machine gun in his hands, ready to fire at moment's notice. Not to mention he had more than enough time to pull the trigger, considering that other guy raised his machete in the air, and gave out a menacing roar before charging towards him.

But he didn't, he decided to risk losing his hands by stopping it ninja-style.

Like this. But ten times less awesome and ten times more stupid...
If I remember correctly, the police are quite trigger-happy and they have no qualms whatsoever when it comes to their shoot-to-kill policy. You know, as reported here, here and here?

Ring any bells?
#1 There's no such thing as departments or divisions
Apparently, the Malaysian police suffers from crippling budget cuts, making them unable to hire more than half a dozen of police officers. I am aware that even a high-budget television series like CSI is guilty of making law enforcement looking like a one-man show, but trust me, Gerak Khas fails even more hilariously.

Apparently the job description of our protagonists include everything from "investigating" - and I'm using that term very lightly - petty crimes, forensics, making drug busts, tackle smuggling, making harbour patrols and most amazingly, taking down freakin' terrorists! All of this were done by the six of them, and that includes their Deputy Superintendent, played by the very same Yusof Haslam in the douchiest way possible.


1 comment:

Ninja said...

I learn that policemen dont talk... but they preach

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