Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Movie Characters Who Need Professional Help

I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's good characters make movies work. As obvious as that may have sound, it's a fact that people often neglect or overlook whenever they do watch movies; They cast their intellect away in favour of seeing explosions, boobs or in the case of the mainstream Malaysian audience, brainless comedies and ghouls popping up every fifteen minutes.

However that poses another challenge for screenwriters; Coming up with interesting characters. Believe me that is not as easy as it sounds. Every so often, they have to write about people whom we can somehow relate to, yet there's something about their behaviour that you might find to be just a tad unbelievable. But it's kind of necessary, really, because nobody wants to see a movie about normal, inhibited, everyday people. Just check out any "reality" television show to know what I mean.


So here are some of the movie characters who are so extreme at something, you can't help but feel like they need professional help.

#1 Prince Charming
Movie : Cinderella [1950]
Problem : Extreme foot fetish

I first poked fun at this little fact when I was in one of my literature classes, so my fellow classmates have already heard this one.

Now you might argue that foot fetish isn't a problem per se, and I agree. Allow me to go on record and say that it's unfair to persecute someone for having a particular liking for something, something to get their blood flowing to the right place(s?). After all, the female body is a temple, so go ahead and worship it in any way you like.

Or as John Mayer put it, a wonderland... with bubblegum tongue.
But you can't deny that our prince here needs professional help because what he did was something I like to call borderline sexual harassment. Remember how he went from one house after another in his entire kingdom, caressing the feet of virgins, all the while looking for the perfect pair? You might argue that the prince had a servant who helped him out with the fitting session. But to find your special someone based entirely on the idea that she has the perfect pair of feet... That's just fuckin' creepy.

Just so you get the idea, imagine a guy knocking on your door this very moment and asks you if he could "inspect" your feet.

Place your right foot on my lap, please?
#2 Ash Ketchum
Movie : The Pokemon movies (All fourteen of them)
Problem : Obsessive-compulsive Disorder

I feel a little bad about pointing this out because I happen to be a little bit Obsessive-compulsive myself, although I'm hardly as problematic as our Ash Ketchum here. Sure, I wash my hands hundreds of times per day, but I would never go to such lengths in trying to collect and document every living creature in my universe. Or as Ash himself likes to put it, he just "Gotta catch 'em all!"

It is interesting to note that Ash isn't really an isolated case when it comes to collecting Pokemons. It happens in real life too. Meet Lisa Courtney, who boasts a collection of more than 12,000 Pokemon memorabilia.

Damn... Since when collecting stamps isn't cool anymore? Owh wait, I see...
#3 Beast
Movie : Beauty and the Beast [1991]
Problem : Anger management

I don't quite know what's the proper term for his type of problem, people with uncontrollable anger and aggression. I am aware that "Anger management" is the term for treatment of such conditions, but you get the idea.

It's easy to look past this one, because the movie ended on such a happy note. But have you ever considered that Belle has a good chance of becoming a victim of domestic violence? Remember how vicious Beast was towards her in the earlier parts of the movie over something not even worth getting all angry about.

Now, you might argue that it was mostly the curse that made him such a hothead. But are you so shallow as to think that he was angry all the time because he was ugly, and he's a perfect gentleman by the end of the movie because he's pretty? I for one have serious doubts.

Bitch, I told you to be careful when you iron my tights!
#4 Keanu Reeves
Movie : (pick any)
Problem : Severe case of Ataraxia

"Whoa, hold on. Keanu Reeves isn't a movie character!" is something I can already hear you say. Is he really not? Can you tell me any of his movies where he exhibit more than one emotion or expression? In other words, any of his movies that doesn't feature Keanu Reeves being... Keanu Reeves?

Heck, you can't even tell where Keanu Reeves ends and where his characters begin.

Alright, so what is Ataraxia? Simply put, it's a condition where one is free from worry or any other preoccupations. Granted, it's not something that can be clinically-diagnosed, but when it's as severe as his case then you can't afford to ignore it because it can be very life-threatening.

Like skydiving without a parachute, when the plane and the pilot are perfectly fine...
Convincing a bus full of passengers that a bus can fly... Because he believes so.
He may have survived all that, but how many more times do you think he can cheat death?

4 comments:

Ash said...

Frankly, this is definitely a mind-opener entry for me.. It's interesting how ingenious and insightful that you are able to see through these characters from a perspective that I never think of before.. I always appreciate this kind of exposure.. You know, to be shown things that I'd never even bothered to think about.. Keep em comin! =)

Mamü Miguel Ellezda Vies said...

LOL... I spend too much time watching movies rather than actually doing something beneficial. But heck, I love doing it so yeah, I'll keep 'em coming whenever I have it.

Limo Hire said...

I thinks this movies is also good. I like to watch different kind of movies.

Merryn said...

wow! I'm thinking how did you come out with all these! must be too much movies until you can summarise them this way :D

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