Saturday, April 9, 2011

Why Zordon Should Serve Some Jail Time

Anyone here was never a fan of the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers? If you spend a decade or so growing  up in the 90's, then chances are you were at one point a fan. But then again, looking back on it as an adult, I can't help but spot some ridiculous stuff passed off as reality within its universe. Not that the premise was plausible to begin with.

The black ranger was African-American, and the yellow ranger was Asian... Very imaginative
Sure, I can accept that these people were risking their lives to protect our planet, by using giant robots and whatnot. But I can't understand why the Rangers held Zordon with such high regard because you see, the biggest villain in the Power Rangers universe isn't Lord Zedd, Rita Repulsa or even Ivan Ooze. If you ask me, it has got to be Zordon.

The disembodied head...
But it has nothing to do with him supposedly promoting drug use, as the word "Morphin" was censored here in Malaysia, which by the way was one of the most laughable moral panics in the history of this country. But no, I believe Zordon here should stand trial and should serve some jail time because of one reason and one reason alone;

Child labour that led to child abuse.

Wait, what?
Yes, it's true that our Rangers weren't exactly children. But almost every law in the world consider anyone under the age of eighteen is a minor, and our Rangers were young enough to have attended high school during the time they served as the Power Rangers. That would easily place them all somewhere between the age of fifteen to seventeen, and they have no business working full-time for anyone let alone fight extraterrestrials.

I don't remember anyone in my school looking like anyone of these guys, though...
So how did they ended up working for the world's worst employer ever?

They were recruited, like some fuckin' conscripts. The history of it began when an evil sorceress by the name of Rita Repulsa (again, very "imaginative") made her escape after ten thousand years of confinement, and instead of enjoying her freedom she decided to invade Earth... Due to what I can only assume was flawed alien logic.

Therefore Zordon decided to tackle this problem by doing something that would make even owners of the dingiest sweatshops gasp in horror; he hired five teenagers to do the work of an army.

"Shame on you, Zordon!"
If you think that our five teenagers were chosen because they were special in some way, like maybe they have telepathy, or super-strength, something. They didn't have anything of the sort, Zordon's only criteria was simply, "teenagers with attitude", which kind of narrowed it down to virtually every teenager on the face of the planet. A fool's task, sure. At least he handpicked them himself, right?

Wrong. He sent his android, Alpha 5 to search for them. To his credit though, he was wise enough to sent a robot to do it, instead of a human being who would have simply raised an eyebrow and call him an asshole. At least we know there was a brain somewhere in that big head of his.

But our Rangers got something in return, right?
I honestly don't think so. They got to play with some cool toys, I give you that. I know I would kill to drive a giant robot. But aside from that, there was really nothing else to be gained from working for Zordon.

Does this look very rewarding to you?
You have to fight in these spandex suits that offer no protection whatsoever, maybe our Zordon here had a weird fetish. Also, you have to do these embarrassing poses for God-knows what, and not to mention you have to exaggerate every gesture while in uniform, you would think they were using sign language or something. Was it meant to intimidate the enemy? I really don't know.

It doesn't help that there was nothing going on in the show that would imply our Rangers were getting paid, even in alien currency. Those teenagers were saving the world, for crying out loud! But somehow they stuck around for extended periods of time, especially my favourite Ranger, Billy a.k.a the Blue Ranger. He went from doing some ass-kicking on the field, to becoming a technical advisor alongside Alpha.

I think he may have been the reason why I love the colour blue, and why I'm such a nerd...
By the way, was Zordon decent enough to provide health insurance or something of the sort? Again, there was nothing in the series that would imply that our Rangers were covered by insurance. So they're out there fighting aliens, risking losing their limbs, have stuff blown up in their faces, travel to other planets and dimensions, dealing with twenty-foot monsters and so many other things too numerous to mention.

Is it any wonder that people weren't lining up to join Zordon's little high school club?

Excuse me, is the meeting place for the Alien Invasion Prevention Club? Hello... Anyone?
Add all that up, I would like to reconsider my statement. I don't think Zordon should serve some jail time, it would do us all a great favour if he was banished from the planet altogether.


charlie fa said...

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!but i LOVE mighty morphin power rangerss!!!!!!

Zulfahmi said...

but at least during the old days, they managed to make it awesome! The franchise was effin big! (Yes, I was a fan)... The movie was also great... I watched it a million times almost everyday... I loved it...

Nowadays, the Power Rangers series are crap... Harry Porter themed Rangers?? They even inserted a bit of romance in it... I blame Edward Cullen and Bella for that...

Anyway, the Power Rangers series are based on japanese super sentai... And the japs are big in child labor... In all of the mangas, the heroes are mostly kids... Naruto for instances - he's like a 'darjah enam' kid

Mamü Vies said...

Fa : Me too! This was more of a labour of love... Nostalgia type of thing :D

Ninja : I know. By the time Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers ended its third season, and Power Rangers Zeo began, I was no longer a fan. But the first three seasons and the movie was definitely on heavy rotation back when I was a child.

Anonymous said...

What a big fat and biased liar you are.

As for you, charlie, you're a hypocrite in that you think that this is funny even though you claimed to love the Power Rangers. A true Ranger would never think that this blog is funny. Instead, he or she would be against.

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