Sunday, May 8, 2011

If Stephenie Meyer Wrote...

Ignore this if you like, but I'm going to take another stab at author Stephenie Meyer, because I never get tired of poking fun at Twilight. I'm not being mean, my code dictates that I can make fun of something as much as I like if it's unforgivably lame to begin with. Adding fuel to the fire is the commercial success, but hey, that's not her fault. If anything, good for her, you know?

I can type with only... oh wait, I've already used that joke.
Turns out she gave people what they wanted to see, which is the highest honour any writer could give. All the same, Twilight really isn't my cup of tea, though it has been a subject of ridicule many times over in this blog. And here's another one;

What if Stephenie wrote other famous works? I here three of some of the more popular adaptations in film history...

#1 Carrie Potter and the Philosopher is Stoned

Originally : Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
By : J.K Rowling

Carrie is a lonely little witch, who pretty much kept to herself with only her wand to keep her company. One day a half-giant whose name she could never remember came to her and took her to Hogwarts High where she was still lonely and didn't hang out with anyone. That was, until she met Culdemort, whom can only be described as an emo wizard.

Culdemort kept his distance from her until Carrie clumsily got herself in the way of a mountain troll who happened to pass out from an asthma attack. Culdemort heroically rescued her and the two were inseparable ever since. Meanwhile, a hunky Quibbitch player who can get any girl he wants threatens the sanctity of their newfound relationship.

#2 The Chronicles of Nancy : The Stud, the Bitch and the Warlord

Originally : The Chronicles of Narnia : The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
By : C.S Lewis

Nancy, also known as the White Bitch was the queen of ice in every sense of the word. She's not autistic, yet her social skills were terrible to say the least. She didn't have any friends and she had only her staff to keep her company. Because of that, she inadvertently froze the land of Narnia for God knows how long. But then came a man to break the spell, and he was known only as the Stud.

Stud was wandering around aimlessly even though he was a grown man, hundreds of years old yet he chose not to get a job. Nancy warmed up to him, and the ice throughout the land of Narnia was beginning to melt when a Warlord showed up, and he threaten to break the two apart, and the future of Narnia now hangs in the balance.

#3 The Silence of the Lame

Originally : The Silence of the Lambs
By : Thomas Harris

Clarice is a young FBI trainee who couldn't relate to anyone, being one of the few women in the FBI. Though surrounded by colleagues and athletic young men, she opted to be a loner... Until she was assigned to consult a cannibalistic young man in custody of a mental institution. Meet Edward Lecter, a former psychiatrist who looked way too young for his age. He was distant, yet strangely protective and also served like a mentor figure to Clarice.

Together they worked great, but when Edward escaped the institution because he feared that he might eat Clarice for lunch, her superior from the Middle East, Yaakob stepped in to mend her broken heart. Although she still had feelings for Edward, Yaakob was beginning to take his own place inside her heart.


You know... I could go on for at least five more books, but by now you pretty much got the idea already.


Mohd Rafie Suhaimi said...

clarice doesn't have a staff or a wand to keep her company??that is sad man...veeerrrryyy sad...

Mamü Miguel Ellezda Vies said...

hahahahaha!! Very saaaad indeed.

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