Saturday, October 22, 2011

5 Good Things From Otherwise Terrible Movies

After decades of being a movie enthusiast, we all have developed some sort of a sixth sense when it comes to movie we would or would not see, haven't we? I know I'm not special and I'm the same as any of you. For example, any movie with Uwe Boll's name on it should be avoided like a plague. And movies starring Katherine Heigl and Sarah Jessica Parker are some of the most derivatives ever made.

Seriously, do you even need to go see it?
Also, movies by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg are the worst to pay full price tickets for.

But all the same, we don't always know when we might walk into a bad movie, do we? The chances are always there. After all, clever editing and a good advertising campaign can always mask how good (or bad) a movie actually is. So what I got here are five movies I went into expecting to be entertained (except for one, guess which one it is) but they turned out to be such a borefest.

Still, I managed to find the silver lining in each one of them, hindering them from being a total waste of time and money.

#5 Daniel Craig in leather chaps


Movie: Cowboys & Aliens [2011]
If you want my opinion, indeed I would say Cowboys & Aliens was a headache of a movie. It was one of the movies that proves that it could have all the special effects and movie stars but still suck big time. There is one good thing about the movie, though. Olivia Wilde's bare back was a strong contender, but then I decided against it and opted for the sight of Daniel Craig in leather chaps instead. Because, well, that's not something we get to see everyday, wouldn't you say?

#4 The cast and the characters they played


Movie: The Losers [2010]
We don't demand much from action movies. A manly lead actor, a saucy love interest, cool fight scenes and exhilarating action sequences. The Losers succeeded with only two of those while the rest of the movie was a classic case of getting a big dull dud instead of a bang. Like a bomb that never exploded. Think about it, the movie had macho Jeffrey Dean Morgan, hot ass Zoe Saldana, Aryan sex symbol Chris Evans, that cool as ice sniper guy Oscar Jaenada and they even had Holt McCallany in there! Well, they certainly made these stars look like losers for starring in this movie.

#3 Kiss From a Rose


Movie: Batman Forever [1995]
As a youngster, I didn't think Batman Forever was that bad. Sure, I didn't like it as much as the Tim Burton's vision of our Caped Crusader, still I thought "Batman Forever" was a pretty cool title, it even started a meme back in the '90s where we would append the word 'forever' to everything (i.e. Malina Forever). Plus, I thought Val Kilmer made for a decent Batman. So what happened? I grew up and became less stupid than I was back then. Now there's only one thing that I like about the movie; that song by Seal. In fact, it is one of my favourite love songs of all time.

#2 Juliana Evans


Movie: Hantu Bonceng [2011]
Hantu Bonceng was a godawful movie, wasn't it? For a guy who's easily tickled by humour, I found that movie to be so I must confess, I never bat an eyelid to this girl before. Heck, I can't even tell her apart from Lisa Surihani and Anna Raffali. I'm serious, all these Pan Asian looking chicks look the same to me. In fact, I think the only reason why I found her so appealing in that movie was because everything else about it was so darn bad. It's easy to look good when you're standing atop a pile of steaming hot bullshit, I suppose.

#1 Nicolas Cage in a bear suit, punching a woman


Movie: The Wicker Man [2006]
Let's make one thing straight, I do not advocate hitting a woman for any reason (even though this one had me in stitches). Sure, they do claim to want equality, but what they really mean is that they want all the good things about being a guy. So I say let's give them a break, shall we? They had a rough history. How many men you know was burned at the stake back in the Dark Ages? Even us who weren't alive to witness and be offended by such acts of cruelty, still you have to respect them for ever letting us into their beds.

What I meant when I say this was the only good thing about The Wicker Man, I simply meant the whole scene was so plain weird, but still it was meant to be taken seriously. Remember, it was supposed to be a horror movie. But when Nicolas Cage ran around in a bear suit and punched a woman, I swear I heard a laugh track playing at the back of my mind.

2 comments:

Az said...

Good one!

I would like to include a few more movies like this:
- SWAT
- All Transformer movies
- Clash of the Titans.

Mamü Miguel Ellezda Vies said...

Nice choices you got there, although the only good thing out of Clash of the Titans (for me) was Mads Mikkelsen. That is one cool dude.

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