It never gets old, does it? I thought I have made enough fun of the Twilight movies, but every time I decided that enough is enough and turn my back on it, it keeps on making a lot of noise in the form of brainless fangirl screams. It's pretty hard not to at least glance over my shoulder to see what the commotion is all about.
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So as I was in the cinema yesterday waiting for In Time to start, the trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I came along, and I had such a hard time holding back tears of laughter. For starters I would have thought that the novelty for Twilight would have run out by now. But noooo~ Edward and Bella have yet to consummate their love, their relationship thus far had always been that of a captor-hostage in nature. And apparently this is the movie when they'll finally do it.
For the trailer, they used the same trick that Neo from The Matrix  fell for; they had an attractive lady in a provocative red dress walking in a medieval looking hallway. It certainly worked in terms of capturing our attention. But then they showed Michael Sheen in a familiar-looking getup, and then everything started to look familiar.
|"Waaaaiiitt a minute... This isn't-"|
|"Ahh... So it is. Fuckin' Twilight. Wow, he sure seems angry"|
|"Must be because of what's written on tha-... What is that? Looks an invitation to something"|
That must have made you really mad, huh Jacob? I bet you're so pissed off you just have to cool off. Go ahead and run around in the rain with your shirt-
|"-There you go..."|
|"Well I'll be... They're finally doing it"|
|"Damn! He fuckin' crushed it. Dude, I know you can't get it up, no need to overcompensate"|
|"Oh, no wait. Who am I kidding? After all, Twilight was based on a wet dream Stephenie Meyer had"|
|"Aww... She's pregnant. I bet she didn't think Edward's 100-year-old balls could still produce-"|
|"Holy shit. What's happening? She's about to give birth, isn't she?"|
|Whatever that look means, I hope it's not arousal...|
Dear Stephenie Meyer, might I suggest counselling? Or maybe you'd like to join the ranks of the Obedient Wives Club?