Monday, December 5, 2011

5 Types of Moviegoers Nobody Complains About

The idea of this entry came from those little advertisements they love to show before movies begin, reminding us audience to put our phones to silent mode lest we disrupt the movie watching experience for everybody else. But of course, no matter how hard they try, these advices still tend to fall on deaf ears. So much, that they actually became mild annoyances that I've somehow learned to overlook.

But there are other kinds of annoyances that don't happen very often (save for #2) but when they do, it really gets to me and I tend to get as angry as a caged cat. Annoyances such as;

#5 Food smugglers
"Wow, 3D is so realistic I can actually smell the blood... Oh, no wait. It's only sambal belacan"
There are reasons why popcorn is the only acceptable food to be brought into the hall. I'd like to think one of the reason is because it adds to the ambiance; You walk into the cinema, you feel the cold blast of the air-conditioner sweeping at your face, and the smell of popcorn wafting into your nostrils. The little pleasures we tend to take for granted, but it all adds up to you getting excited about seeing a movie.

Then you get comfortable in your seat, and then weirdly enough you start to smell something really strong. I kid you not, the weirdest thing I've seen people eat in cinemas was Nasi Lemak, in that clear plastic container. It would have been fine if it was only fast food, even a Subway sandwich would have been cool. But Nasi Lemak, Kuey Teow or anything else you'd expect to see on a dining table are a huge no-no.

#4 Lousy parents
"What did you chop his head off for?! I got my baby here next to me!"
This happened when I went for the premiere screening of Immortals. Needless to say I got really into the movie barely five minutes in, but just then a woman walked past my seat with a child in hand and immediately I went, "uh oh". Of course, my fears weren't unfounded at all as I overheard her talking to what I assumed a lady friend of hers when I was walking out of the hall, saying things like "the director must have been sick making a movie like that".

It wasn't the first time, but that certainly reminded me how amazed I am that there are people who know how to reproduce, but suck at bringing up their children. Yes, movies can be violent and Immortals certainly was. That's what ratings are for. Even though the censorship here will render even the most violent movies tame, the ratings are still there to let you know what kind of a movie to expect. Tell me, in what aspect did the poster for Immortals resemble that of Disney's Hercules?

#3 The Commentators
"Don't go into that haunted-looking house! I said don't! No! Don't take a shower either!"
I believe we've all encountered this at one point or another? I for one really like it when people get into a movie, but I find it overwhelmingly stupid for them to go "Hurry! Hurry!" or "How could you do that to her?!" like they're expecting the movie characters to turn around, face the audience and ask "What do you think I should do?!"

I can't help but think that this is a bad habit that got carried over from the live theater days. Back then you can see the actors, and you know they can hear you if you talk loud enough. No doubt, they can't deviate from the script no matter what you say, but I guess these people will take comfort in thinking that they did what they could have to "improve" on the story. "I told you not to kill the hero's dad, serves you right Mr. Villain..."

#2 The Rempits
"Pehh... You can see her titties!!"
I had to think twice about lumping them all together under this label, but I really couldn't think of a better term at the time I was writing this entry. I am aware that it's unfair, because I happen to know plenty of mild-mannered Mat Rempits who are only in it for the thrill and not any of the excesses the media loves to tell people they often indulge in.

So I'm really using Rempit as an umbrella term instead of a label. Whatever that means.

I remember this from when I was watching Made of Honor [2008]. It was already weeks since it was first shown in cinemas, so the hall was quite empty. The only reason I remember this is because there was a Rempit-looking guy (trucker cap, a red and black long-sleeved stripey collared T-shirt) with his girlfriend seated in the row right behind me. Long story short, I didn't know what vaginal fluid smell like, but thanks to them I now have a faint idea.

And it's not just about what they do. There are people from this group who are louder than they need to be, heckling what was going on the screen, cheering whenever they catch a glimpse of a sideboob, all of which will have me massaging my forehead out of sheer frustration.

#1 Me
"Curse you Mamü Vies!!!"
Yeap, believe it or not I too can be a nuisance. Like I said, I often go to the movies alone just so I could focus on the movie alone without anyone asking me "What's going on? Did I miss something?", which by the way is an annoyance too, but not the kind that bothers me all that much. But aside from that, there's also the fact that I tend to get really into the movie.

Therefore it's not unusual for people to hear me curse under my breath or gasp "Fuck!" whenever something catches my by surprise. But the worse I've ever done so far was saying out loud "Babydoll I love you!" when the character was kicking ass in Sucker Punch [2011]. Then there's a problem with my laughter too. I don't laugh at everything, but whenever I lose it, I would really lose it. Any of my friends can attest to that.

Luckily people have been too polite to say anything about it, so I never had a hard time doing what I do. That's kind of the reason why I myself has never chastised anyone in real life for being annoying because let's face it, at the end of the day, we're all annoying to someone at one point or another. So unless it's a matter of life and death, let's practice a little democracy and brush these things off. Live, and let live.


neddo khan said...

#5 my mum was guilty of bringing in home-cooked mihun into the cinema when she was in Australia. when she told me the story, i was like "ma! takde sivik betul!" but she was like "screw them, i was hungry! plus they don't know how bihun smells like, so it doesn't matter" ~ yes, she's cute in her way.

#4 a ditzy mum brought in her 6-year old boy to watch Constantine, fer cryin' out loud! so yeah, the boy DID cry out loud when lucifer's son appeared.

#3 i was watching Dark Water with a bunch of friends, and the row of guys behind us started to get really into the movie and one went "la!! kenapa mak dia masuk situ!!" and my friend got into an inadvertent conversation with this guy and went "entahnye!" adehhh, i laughed my head off.

a good read mamu, as always!

Mamü Miguel Ellezda Vies said...

LOL! Thanks for reading :D

Glad to know I'm not the only one who suffered these things at some point.

albarn said...

I'll go "entahnye" too. thanks for the tip. haha.

Adib "Rexxarro" Zaini said...

you forgot "the seat kicker".

and let me expand on #4. those "kids from hell" with ADHD. you know 'em. those that run up and down the aisle, and, i kid you not, steal your popcorn.

oh, and yeah, i've seen your uncontrollable pontianak laugh

Mamü Miguel Ellezda Vies said...

Steal... your... popcorn?
I'd have turned into The Hulk if any kid dare to do that to me.

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